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Guilt
Why do I feel so much guilt about everything? Even things I know I'm not even remotely responsible for? It's not just me. I notice that others have the same issue. It does seem to be fading, as I grow older. But what is this issue with Guilt that everyone seems to have? Please don't be "glib" with your answer. Thanks for your help, I do appreciate it. - Judith Roberts
Nagapriya responds:
I feel sad that you anticipated a glib response since I know from personal experience that guilt is a corrosive, life-draining condition. It is also rather complex and there may be many different causes behind it. So far as I know, there is no Buddhist term that directly corresponds to it. In Buddhist ethics there are the twin concepts of shame (hrii) and sensitivity to moral censure (apatraapya). These are seen as positive emotions which enable us to develop ethically.
Guilt, however, is in my view a limiting emotion but, ironically, it may arise partly through the development of a tender conscience. We may feel guilt for many reasons. Obviously, it may be that we have done terrible things and we fear discovery but I am going to assume that the source of your guilt is elsewhere. It is common for people to attribute guilt to Christian teachings about ‘original sin’ and I certainly know many Catholics who still suffer owing to the sense of guilt instilled in them as children. But besides the imposition of guilt from outside, there may be a more inherent, existential guilt.
Guilt seems to be related to the sense of owing something to others that one has not – perhaps even cannot – pay back. It may take the form of indebtedness, a sense that others have suffered for my benefit and, while I may have played no role in causing their suffering, I feel guilty because I enjoy some of its fruits. The wealth of my nation, for instance, rests partly upon the pillaging of its former colonies and, while I strongly condemn that, I am nevertheless a beneficiary of it and so am implicated in it. Moreover, this is not really something I can contract out of. Inevitably, we are all associated with many unskillful acts that we cannot fully stand clear from. This may result in a feeling of guilt which nags away at us even while we may not be directly responsible for any wrongdoing. While this may sound like a rather heavy burden, at least it may prevent us from falling into the trap of moral superiority.
But there is another kind of guilt too. This might be summed up as the guilt that we feel at not fulfilling our own potential. We may be all too aware that we fall short of our ideals; we aspire to be compassionate and yet continue to act selfishly. This chasm between our idealism and our imperfection can be very painful, resulting in intense feelings of guilt because we are failing to live up to our own values. Is their any respite from this painful condition? Part of the solution may be in learning to forgive ourselves our imperfections, which is not to say that we excuse or revel in them. If we can face our limitations with some degree of acceptance then, more positively, we may gain something in humility.
