October 25, 2010

Boy Believed To Be Next Reincarnation Of Regional KFC Manager Discovered In Chatfield, MN

OK, the institution of reincarnation is officially part of the mainstream imagination—it was in the Onion

Several High Branch Mangers confirmed the child was subjected to a battery of tests to determine if he was in fact the reincarnated supervisor of restaurants 234 through 239. As with all candidates, Brian was seated at a table and asked to choose from a wide array of objects, including a stapler, a stained necktie, a spork, and various other personal effects. Orman told reporters the young boy's hand moved immediately to a spray can of Right Guard, the sole item before him that had in fact belonged to the last Roger Purcell. "Brian also picked up the rubber stamp used to approve payroll as if he had been handling it his entire life," Orman said. "After he recited without hesitation each of the 11 herbs and spices in the colonel's secret recipe, there could not be any doubt left in my mind." According to sacred interoffice memos, the first earthly embodiment of Roger Purcell was born Jim Stephens in 1957. The son of a simple insurance salesman, Stephens was discovered by emissaries traveling east on behalf of company founder Colonel Harland Sanders, who in 1960 had a dream-vision of a glimmering red-and-white Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise by the sea.

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enriqueporto's picture

sacrilegious! ; )

Dominic Gomez's picture

"the young boy's hand moved immediately to a spray can of Right Guard, the sole item before him that had in fact belonged to the last Roger Purcell"
A possible weak link in the chain: no indication which armpit Brian sprayed.

Alan Shusterman's picture

First good laugh of the day.

The "Real" Truth about Reincarnation - Religious Education F's picture

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anonymouse's picture

THE ONION!!!! YEA! How they can really put "things" in perspective. :)