September 21, 2009

Seven Tips for Giving Up Gossip

by Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron

1. Recognize that gossip doesn’t undo the situation you’re talking about. It only puts in motion another situation based on negative feelings.

2. Know that comparing yourself to others is useless. Everyone has his or her own talents. In this way, give up jealousy and the wish to put others down.

3. Be aware of and transform your own thoughts, words, and deeds rather than commenting on those of others.

4. Train your mind to see others’ positive qualities and discuss them. This will make you much happier than gossiping ever could.

5. Forgive, knowing that people do harmful things because they are unhappy. If you don’t make someone into an enemy, you won’t want to gossip about him.

6. Have a sense of humor about what you think, say, and do, and be able to laugh at all of the silly things we sentient beings carry out in our attempt to be happy. If you see the humor in our human predicament, you’ll be more patient.

7. Practice saying something kind to someone every day. Do this especially with people you don’t like. It gets easier with practice and bears surprisingly good results.

(from Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron's "The Truth About Gossip," Tricycle, Summer 2006 )

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linden suyu gabarda's picture

despite of many troubled things in this world that we are living,sometimes people forget the very basic command to people which is to love God the ALMIGTHY...coz if u love God sincerely in your heart,you canget out of Gossip which is the deadliest activity of satan that will gonna bring down,your wholebeing as a human.Thanks to B.T. Chodron.a lot of people will once will again benefit on this article...

April's picture

Great Topic for Women Group Discussion. Thanks

Women’s Group Topic: Gossiping | Women's Group Busy Bites's picture

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[...] For the people who feel the need to gossip I suggest that you read and learn these few tips for Giving Up Gossip: [...]

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[...] are any indication, wanting to put an end to gossip may be as popular as gossiping itself: “Seven Tips for Giving up Gossip” by Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron, posted by web editor Phil Ryan last fall, has been the most [...]

andrea menduni's picture

amazing. Thanks, Lama.

dave's picture

I have an issue if someone is telling lies about me. If I do not explain the truth, a weak minded person may believe the lies. I think I should tell the truth so the lie will dissapear.

Frank's picture

yesterday, i found that my coworker was gossiping about me with my boss. this person was saying evil things about me, things that were distorted, things that make me look bad to my boss. i realize now that this person is unhappy and jealous. i wanted to retaliate by telling my other coworkers bad things about this person, but i have read your post, and it has helped me see the reality of the situation.

thank you.

Tricycle » “The Truth About Gossip” cartoon's picture

[...] Chodron’s article, “The Truth About Gossip,” (from which we drew the “Seven Tips for Giving Up Gossip,”) we received a lot of mail, but one of the most interesting was the cartoon (one panel of [...]

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[...] is an excellent, excellent post on Tricycle magazine’s blog right now called, “7 Tips for Giving Up Gossip.”  I urge you to go check it [...]

janet's picture

thank you and this is one to print out and share with others. Now, how to respond to someone who is always making gossip-y comments about a mutually known person? I have some responses that I use. Any other suggestions?

malik's picture

thank you. i needed the reminder...

mike's picture

great Thanks

Mikel's picture

I hate gossip! I've been the victim of it many times and it hurts!! I do my best not to gossip, although I've slipped occasionally....

Nancy's picture

Thank you! This is an ongoing struggle for me. Your tips will be very helpful.

Patricia's picture

Thank you.
om mani padme hum

mapmanic's picture

Thanks! I'm going to print this list out and post it on the wall.

Erik's picture

Thank you, this is one of my toughest struggles and these are very clear and helpful tips to practice everyday.