Obstacles & Roadblocks
What keeps you from practicing?
As practitioners, we're all familiar with the obstacles that arise during our practice—the "five hindrances" of desire, aversion, laziness, restlessness, and doubt are traditionally the most common roadblocks. But what, specifically, are the things that keep you away from your practice? Is it some manifestation of those pesky hindrances? Or is it something else, such as a lack of time, self-discipline, or a proper space? In this discussion we'd like to explore obstacles to practice. And then, ultimately, we’d like to hear how you are working to overcome these obstacles. After all, we all get stuck. How do you get unstuck?
Image: Liu Bolin
An obstacle for me is self-consciousness and a "gravitational" pull to be with my husband and daughter when they are home (in case they need something? or just to be in their presence?). That makes it feel difficult to just go into the room and sit if they are home (and if they are not home I am either working or doing chores). If I do manage it, then I "feel" the pull of them while I'm practicing or I feel anxious that they will be home any minute...(which would make that a perfect object of meditation, I guess).
I have the same issues. I've found that it helps to have extremely modest ideas about my practice -- so modest, that it is possible for me to commit to practicing every day. The only time that works for me is right before I go to bed, after my daughter is asleep and the chores are done. Ten minutes. But every day. Maybe eventually it will increase, but right now I am trying to make it something non-negotiable, like taking a shower or brushing my teeth.
Thank you for this. I think this will help me...especially the part about making it non-negotiable and a short period of time...its more difficult to "argue" with (yourself about doing it) if its only for a ten mins or so before you go to bed. And also, in the relation to your comment, I think it can be helpful to look at meditation practice as something that IS absolutely necessary to do everyday, like brushing one's teeth.
Being tired gets me a lot. Knowing that I have not had much sleep the night before and could really use a nap tends to be the convincing I need to not sit. I fear that I would be wasting time if I were to try to sit only to find myself dozing off every minute or so. So, the attempt is disregarded and I move on with my day. Additionally, I find it difficult to pull myself away from my school work as well, especially if I am struggling with a concept. Then again, if I really struggle, I just find myself diverting my stress and anxiety with a cruise around my favorite internet sites.
I have the same issues as you, jwmccue. My two biggest obstacles seem to be napping and putting my job or schoolwork first. I find it difficult to sit if I haven't done an essay or article that I know is due soon—and if I sit, that I'll probably just stress out about the things that I haven't done yet and it won't be very productive. Even when I have something due in a few hours, though, I can always find an excuse to nap. Funnily enough, that excuse is usually something like "If I nap, I'll be rejuvenated and be able to focus better," and under the blankets I crawl. But I can never seem to apply that same logic to practicing instead of napping.
I have the same problem, without the excuse of being short on sleep. I guess I'm just a naturally sleepy person! So what I do is to have a rule that if my concentration begins to blur, I pull my head together and go on, but if I actually nod or lose my posture, I get up and do a "flash" walking meditation, once around the desk. I've had to do it more than once in some 30-minute sessions. But it helps keep me from giving up.
Great idea! I'm going to try it, thanks a lot.
I find that sangha is really important for me to stay on track. When I haven't spent time with other sangha members I become distracted by everything else in life. Sometimes I just get lazy (sloth). I will wake up early enough and think I should get up and sit but after a few moments I just turn over and go back to sleep or I find something else that seems more important to do with the time. I procrastinate and think I will do it later or tomorrow etc. I used to go to a weekly sitting regularly but both my location and the location of the sittings have moved much further apart and so I find excuses not to go (too far). What usually gets me back into a regular practice is noticing that my life just isn't working as well without it. I start to see myself do things I otherwise wouldn't do or say things I regret saying. I feel more stressed and less gracious. I am just basically less happy. It is when I notice this unhappiness that I am inspired to connect to my sangha friends, read a dharma book (or check the Tricycle website) and engage in a more regular practice.
We should define "practice" in broad terms. To me, reading Tricycle is practice. So is mindfully walking to the store. Writing this post is a kind of practice. Stopping what you are doing to thoroughly appreciate a sunset is practice, too. Being open to new experience, letting go of fear, seeing self-aggrandizement for what it is are all forms of practice. It isn't just about sitting in formal posture counting breaths or simply being. It is also about doing, moment-to-moment. And you can do that all day, every day, long. If we want to become more engaged in practice, then we must define our practice regimen in the broadest terms. Eventually, we should be practicing all the time--even as we carry on with the small tasks that fill our lives.
Beautiful.
I feel that's true. For me, when I sit more regularly then I seem to be more likely to be mindful throughout the day. The less I sit regularly it seems the daily mindfulness suffers as well.
I really enjoy sitting but find the demands made on me by others interferes. I am torn between 'kindnes' or 'unselfishnes' and taking time for my personal growth. When I notice the demands by dependants interferes I also notice my rising anger and irritation. I am aware that I am not the least bit kind or unselfish. I suppose that's also a form of practice? I also find it easier to practice where there is some sort of crisis in my life, because then I really "NEED" the practice (ie. I can justify it to the people around me). Why do I need their permission? Why do I feel I am obliged to do things for them? What are my actual duties to the people I live with in exchange for the roof over my head? How to I work that out? All jumping off points for my practice no doubt.
Usually it is a lack of time management that causes me not to practice. This is a bigger problem when I work 70 hour weeks, which is not the case at present. However, I notice that when I do practice, I am much more efficient at managing time after meditation. Noticing this irony has inspired me to set my clock much earlier than I ever thought possible, to get up one hour before my 5 year old gets up for school. He knows I meditate and has started getting up earlier to watch, try to sit or talk & cuddle, which sort of foils the meditation plan as he really can't sit for long. Nevertheless, on days I that I have time home alone, I plan a later session before he arrives from school.
Aversion. Yikes. I'm afraid I'm a pro. I can relate to all of the posts above. When I reinitiated by practice this summer I was sitting daily for 30 minutes. This was in the midst of significant turmoil (a family member was very ill). I made the time, amidst the chaos, to sit. Now that these issues have been resolved, I find myself sitting less and less. In fact, for the past few weeks I've only been sitting when I attend my group practice. While I've committed some of what used to be my sitting time to studying the dharma, I know that I am too using that as an excuse not to sit. Sloth and fear are the major obstacles for me. I don't meditate at home when my husband is home for similar reasons as yourneighbor57 (although he would support that practice). I am self conscious about that I suppose. I am also guilty of rationalizing my lack of practice. If I believe that my mind isn't settled enough to sit it won't be a productive practice. Isn't that backward? Those are the moments I need to sit most -- during the moments that will shed more light on my mind that any other time. To top it all off, I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'm not practing "right." I'm afraid I won't be able to settle my mind. I'm afraid of the potential for failure and, therefore, avoid the opportunity to succeed. Thanks to everyone for sharing. I don't feel quite alone in my struggle. I appreciate that. I offer loving kindness to each of you.
Thank you. I related to your post, especially the part about making excuses because your mind is too busy and that would be the best time to practice. Also, as it pertains to the wondering if you're doing it right, something that comes to mind is what Thich Nhat Hanh says in his book "You Are Here". I believe he says something to the effect of...even when all you do for the whole time you are mediating is continually returning your attn back to the breath (after your attn has wandered) that is STILL a successful meditation. You are still getting the benefits of meditation. You are building your awareness. That is definitely not a waste of time. (I can certainly relate to the feeling you described, and wanted to share this in the hope that it may help you.)
Lovingkindness to you as well, acdunn. =)
I looked up Yikes in Pali and you've nailed it, AC! ;-} I have had the same experience of "flipping" the process (trying to get "mindful" so I can practice only to learn that practicing is what gets me to "mindful"). I am new to Buddhism -- about a year since joining a neighborhood sangha. Owing to a character trait of wanting to completely intellectually understand whatever I commit myself to, my sitting has until recently been mottled with doubts and fear of ignorance and of getting it "wrong." These days, I focus on my breathing and find joy in watching the plume of worries and distractions arise and float off like the harmless baloons they are. I agree with MM above -- "flawed" sitting versus no sitting? No question which is more helpful in my experience. I've also enjoyed meditating each morning on that day's short passage from the Buddha Vacana (there's one for every day of the year) since it's something new I can look forward to discovering, and mediate on if I wish to. Thank you for your post!
When I am sad, frustrated, or angry I don't like to sit. I just can't bring myself to meditate. I would rather avoid my feelings or better yet, wallow in self-pity. And that's exactly when I force myself to sit and meditate. Because without fail, I feel better afterwards. Sitting with myself reminds me, once again, I am still here, I'm still breathing, and this too shall pass.
Your post was inspiring. Thank you. The "this too shall pass" spoke to me as well, as my mom would say that when I was growing up, whenever there were difficulties. I especially like how you shared that without fail, you feel better afterwards.
I have had intermittent difficulties with anxiety and panic. When I have a "relapse" it can take months for me to get myself back to a state where I am comfortable enought to delve deep into my practice. I have also had difficulty with what I call a "constant body scanning" where I find myself consistently aware of bodily sensations to a point of distraction. My anxiety tends to revolve around the potential for medical illness so when I am experiencing a relapse the intensity of my meditation can sometime exacerbate the anxiety by increasing the focus on my body. I have been researching and experimenting with other forms of meditation that don't focus so much on the body (things like analytical meditation, using different points of focus, and binaural beats). Essentially what holds me back from practicing is the fear for entering another anxiety/panic cycle because I did not give me brain/body enough time to move past the tendency to jump into flight or fight mode for no apparent reason.
For me it is that I am tired too. I do know that it is relaxing, so it does help.
Sometimes, it is that I have my mind on too many things and hard to sit.
I have been unemployed for about two months now, and have just started to re-establish a meditation practice for myself (standing as well as regular sitting meditation, reading, etc.). It goes like this- after I get laid off or quit my jobs, I tend to lose all my motivation and desire to be active and healthy because I have no structure in my day. It's ironic to me that with more free time, I should use more of it to look for jobs or practice meditation, etc., but instead waste it with diversions and sleeping. It seems as though it's my desire for short-term happiness and satisfaction that keeps me away from the cushion at many times. Sometimes I also get the feeling that meditation is 'not worth it', or 'won't do me any good'. What I also find ironic is that what gets me out of those situations, is when I hit a 'dead end', and I force (not the best word, more like 'encourage') myself to meditate or read about the dharma. This often gives me renewed inspiration to 'wake up', and live fully, if not only just for a while. It takes like this direct Zen attitude for me to get out of the dumps sometimes, as in 'just do it', or 'put yourself there'. This is what I find hard about meditation...one day you can be all willy-nilly, feeling positive about your life and very happy, and the next you are spinning out of control with all kinds of negative emotions, and it's this linking of the two worlds which is so difficult in meditation because they are two opposites of the same reality. In meditation, you can't always pin-point your exact location on the map, you just have to go with it.
I am in the process of the Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo retreat "The Eight Worldly Concerns". Listening to her might help you to understand that there will always be ups and downs and through practice you can help yourself through the uncertainty. She refers to a surfer who manages to ride the waves and with practice enjoys the bigger waves...the bigger challenges. It is how we look at a situation that makes it either a hardship or an opportunity. Your final comment suggests that you understand this.
Ty very much for your reply. Just wanted to mention the coincidence about how you posted about Jetsunma's message about 'riding the waves...the bigger waves'. It so happens that even before reading your post I was using that same image of waves being in the ocean. The water as being like the substance/ultimate origin/reality of all phenomena, while the rising and falling of waves are like experiences and fluctuations that we encounter on our journey, as it must be... it's difficulties, and so on. By the way, since my original post, I've been more motivated and dedicated to my well being. My attitude has been more positive, and I've discovered now that I must "ride the waves" at times, not just "walk the shore". I now have two volunteer positions and a part-time payed position as for work, and all is going well so far. I realize that I have always been practicing the dharma, in my daily life and attitudes, whether on the cushion or not. Much Metta.
Hi tayzo74,
Thank you for your post. I feel I am in a very similar situation as you. I have been unemployed for several months. So I have time to do "formal" practice but I don't feel a single drop of motivation. I should be having strong motivation because I know the benefits but I don't feel it. What I feel is a huge lack of energy that might be confused easily as laziness. I have been trying to spot the problem for quite a long time already and I came to the conclusion that is not laziness but lack of energy to do things.
What I do feel like doing is being mindful as much as possible in every moment (informal practice). That in fact is rather non-doing than doing.
I think this lack of energy or laziness, is a call to stop doing and just be present in the now. (thoughts and inner chatter is also doing)
Hi, thanks for your posted reply. I have come to the conclusion that formal practice on a regular basis is not for everyone, as I suspect you would agree (judging by your comments). I agree entirely that informal practice, such as mindfulness, can be just as effective in developing a caring attitude and mind, as well as can meditation. For me, I seem to get depressed when I meditate too often in a short period of time. I now just shake it off and do what really feels right in the moment (mindfulness), not just to do something because it's what 'I should be doing'. When I feel like meditation will be beneficial, I meditate. When I feel like reading, say the dharma, I read the dharma. Of course I need to have motivation to do things, but I first need to know in what beneficial way it should be invested. This is the heart of mindfulness training- knowing what to tune your attention to in the present moment. Things get really simple when you live this way. Buddha Smiles.
For me, the concepts that come to mind often when I want to meditate are so weighty that they can "get in the way" of sitting. For instance, compassion, especially when I'm not feeling particularly compassionate, can feel like a big elephant in the room. As if, I'm being not the best person, so I don't have the right to meditate. I recently attended a great talk with Karen Armstrong on compassion here in London which helped me put that in more perspective. I blogged about it at Aller-Retour (my blog) in the article Complexity in Ten Words or Less if anyone is interested.
http://dayreturn.wordpress.com/2011/12/09/complexity-in-ten-words-or-les...
Best Regards
James LaForest
Doubting your innate buddhahood is an obstacle. Regardless of which method you use to tap and develop your life-condition of enlightenment, if in your heart you still doubt that you are a buddha, you've hit a brick wall.
Laziness is a problem for me. Thoughts like, "I can't be bothered to sit down and practice." I've been working with this by viewing life as a continuous opportunity to practice mindfulness, as opposed to viewing life as compartmented into "meditating" and "not meditating".
Much like when we sit to practice and we work to return attention to the breath when it wanders, the whole of life can be viewed as a mindfulness exercise where we practice returning to the cushion again and again, in the face of a strong 'monkey mind' (or body) that would rather be doing something else. In this way there is no separation between being mindful and not being mindful, just an intention to keep working patiently with what is here.
My second big problem is doubt, "This is pointless", "Nothing is changing." I work with this by opening to the experience of mindfulness as something from which to expect nothing. It's just a journey to take, and a time to notice the things that happen. On occasions I've noticed shifts in perception and experience that lead me to believe something is changing, although I couldn't tell you precisely what!
These moments seem to happen when I bring attention to the present, with faith that what I am practising will lead to positive things. Mindfulness doesn't have so advocates for no good reason!
Ah laziness and doubt. Yes! thanks.
I find the biggest help was when i stopped considering only my time on the cushion "practice" and started being mindful in the midst of rage, anger, love, lust, rushing around, shopping, feeling annoyance, driving and all the myriad of situations that i encountered throughout the day. It took several years but ive finally made it to the point that I'm "practising" more often than not, and it is wonderful! The book "Dancing with Life" by Phillip Moffit taught me how to do this - while i had read many books on how to incorporate mindfulness in daily life, this is the only one that actually taught me how to do it with EVERYTHING, and it really works (or did for me, at least). Now every obstacle is just another topic of practice, another example of the first noble truth, and so i can practise even when fires are burning.
Sharmila, just wanted to express appreciation for your post. I just checked out that book from the library and am in the midst of reading it. Thank you for your enthusiasm about it, as now I will be sure to finish it, as initially I felt unsure about it because it seemed liked "too much"...information, I guess. Your post encouraged me. Thanks again.
the computer is probably my biggest distraction and roadblock to deepening my practice....that and quiet space outside of the wee hours...
so I meditate when all other household members are sleeping and I force myself to shut down the computer for as many hours a day is feasible...
_/\_
Aww....I hate roadblocks
“It is said that good medicine tastes bitter." Chih-tu (c. 8th century CE)
What a relevant topic - and what refreshingly, relevant, helpful posts!! Everyone's post touches on an aspect of my practice and what tends to impair it to one degree or another. I have been pretty successful at ritualizing 10-15 mins each morning before others are awake, and doing the same before retiring. But the quality of my "sessions" is uneven, of course. Richard F's point about defining "practice" in broad terms, seeing the three treasures in my daily doing and living and being, moment-to-moment, when I am capable of doing so, has been a terrific (inevitable!) way of bringing my practice to life. My roles as a husband and father, demands of work, not to mention the 5 Hindrances, of course (I think of them as the 5H Club), can reliably lead me to become atomized -- thoughts and energy zapping off in multiple directions. Or I can see them as opportunities to direct my desire in the constructive direction of the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. I guess more than anything, Buddhism is teaching me how to love my imperfections and my questions, and progress in the direction of learning how letting go and living are not contradictory but profoundly complimentary. Thanks to all for sharing your insights so generously!
thank you Bdub57!!