The New Kadampa Tradition is an international association of Mahayana Buddhist meditation centers that follow the Kadampa Buddhist tradition founded by Venerable Geshe Kelsang Gyatso.
Filed in Mindfulness (sati), Relationships
The Gift of Waiting
When we are forced to wait, say in a traffic jam, our instinct is to do something to distract ourselves from the discomfort of waiting. We turn on the radio, call or text someone on the phone, or just sit and fume. Practicing mindfulness while waiting helps people find many small moments in the day when they can bring the thread of awareness up from where is lies hiding in the complex fabric of their lives. Waiting, a common event that usually produces negative emotions, can be transformed into a gift, the gift of free time to practice. The mind benefits doubly: first, by abandoning negative mindstates, and second, by gaining the beneficial effects of even a few extra minutes of practice woven into the day.
As you undertake this practice, you learn to recognize early the body changes that accompany impending negative thoughts and emotions such as impatience about having to wait, or anger about “that idiot” ahead of us in the checkout line. Each time we are able to stop and not allow a negative mind-state to come to fruition (say, getting irritated at the traffic or angry at the slow cashier), we are erasing a habitual and unwholesome pattern of the heart/mind. If we don’t let the cart of the mind keep running down the same deep ruts, down the same old hill, into the same old swamp, eventually the ruts will fill in. Eventually our habitual states of irritation and frustration over something like waiting will dissolve. It takes time, but it works. And it’s worth it, as everyone around us will benefit.
Many of us have a mind that measures self-worth in terms of productivity. If I did not produce anything today, if I did not write a book, give a speech, bake bread, earn money, sell something, buy something, get a good grade on a test, or find my soul mate, then my day was wasted and I am a failure. We give ourselves no credit for taking “being” time, for just being present. “Waiting” is thus a source of frustration. Think of the things I could be getting done!
And yet, if you asked the people you care about what they would like most from you, their answer is likely to be some version of “your presence” or “your loving attention.” Presence has no measurable product except positive feelings, feelings of support, intimacy, and happiness. When we stop being busy and productive and switch to just being still and aware, we ourselves will also feel support, intimacy, and happiness, even if no one else is around. These positive feelings are a product that is much desired but that cannot be bought. They are the natural result of presence. They are a birthright that we have forgotten we have.
From How to Train a Wild Elephant by Jan Chozen Bays © 2011. Reprinted with permission of Shambhala Publications.
In this article, Jan Chozen Bays speaks with our voice.
Our voice... that is how Stephen Levine included Frank, Founder of Metta, and those with whom Stephen and Ondrea resonate, someone who speaks with our voice (in their recent METTA INSTITUTE conferance call.)
I listen diligently for that voice, and it is easily recognizable despite any din or distraction, as our voice is ever speaking in plain words with loving attention, often free of scriptural terms. (For example, within JCB's voice, Hindus might recognize shravana, vasana, and other mindfull-matters experienced in practice, sadhana.)
When I hear that voice, I sometimes only listen. Other times, when intuition prompts I initiate a HiYa, in person or online, and await a response.
From there I may offer my voice to see if my new correspondent hears our voice, or just mine.
Using that methodology I have formed many friendships, and each one has no other similarity but our voice. Our voice has nothing to do with race, color, creed, religion (or lack thereof), politics, dogma, disputation or erudtion. Our voice is heard by those who have ears.
It is getting to be such a vast group who speaks with our voice, that no matter what language is used, I can almost smell when a voice is ripe, and when necessary I use tools to translate their native tongue into my own. The time that takes is worth the effort.
That said, HiYa
I still enjoy the trip more so than the goal...
Thus half I heard: "I still enjoy the trip more so than the goal..."
Merrily, merrily I say unto you: Well pilgrim, since the trip is all we have until the goal is felt as the very ground beneath our feet, it is heartening to hear joetheplumber is enjoying what is, more than what may be.
Good on ya', digger.
Pranams, My 0wn Self
@guyatree
And with practice we can enjoy it all!
Namaste.
I have found that waiting patiently with a smile brings a happier cashier when you reach the check-out counter.
Shovelbum, if there were likes or stars or favorite icons available in Tricycle, I would offer you all of them.
Deep bow, My 0wn Self.
@guyatree
A realative of mine is an Olympic middle distance runner. By nature not a very patient person. Early in his career one of his coaches instructed him to go to the supermarket and when he was almost to the register to get out of line and go back to the start. He asked him to do this while in line anywhere the bank movie etc. This proved to be a very effective training method for him and in his words has taught him "how to wait" The trick he says is to be satisfied with where you are at the moment.
I have been working on applying these exercises in my morning commute and, I must say, I am beginning to see changes in my mood. I am much calmer by the time I reach my office and I am starting to notice things along the roadway that I had not seen before. This is a marvelous habit to get into.
Similar to Thich Nhat Hanh's teaching of using the red lights of France as a reminder to breathe and be mindful, instead of the bells and gongs frequently heard while he lived in Vietnam.
Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo recommends using red lights as a cue to come back to the breath as well. A very effective practice.
This was just the right word for me this morning in regard to my own practice. I am the world's worst "waiter", with patience being my main work in the paramitas. My sense of anger always signals that I am trying to make the world bend to my will. Reframing these moments as opportunities is a great way to lean into my experience with a new perspective. Thank you,
Waiting in-line is an excellent practice. IT offers us a chance for quiet reflection, awareness and the cultivation of kshanti-paramita. Moreover, other people there seeing you with a smile on your face will themselves become happier and you have become that excellent samgravastu, an exemplar of Buddhist practice. Gosh all that just from queuing- an English accomplishment if done correctly!
I agree to some extent, but there's a fine line between being passive about something that needs to be addressed (e.g., asking for more cashiers at a supermarket to ring up customers) and being accepting of a situation that you can't change (like being stuck in heavy traffic). Sometimes it's better to get active, constructively complain, and fight for change rather than just sit back and concentrate on your navel, as it were, because you want to maintain your peaceful mode and not get involved.
Vegard, I feel you. There do seem to be a great many folks who are quite content to meditate, rather than radiate.
As far as getting "active, constructively complain, and fight for change" I wonder if you do that with loving kindness, expressed via appropiate body attitude and facial expression, a manner which elicts agreement and willingness to work with you,
I do not imply you are pissing people off more often that not. (You need not say, it is after all your practice, and you need never explain that to any, cept maybe save those whom you respect.)
I do agree that folks who do NOT engage with others simply because it might upset their jelly belly minds, is an unfortunate reaction, one which may become habit, and harden, as JCB, into vasana... wait, no.. he called it RUTS, (which is vasana, after all.)
I like your readiness to right wrongs, yet I wonder if you do it with skill. If you want to say, I'm listening.
cYa
@guyatree
I am not sure that it is an either-or situation. One can use the moment of frustration to attend to one's practice and also take steps to remedy any situation from a position of equanimity.
eternallyperplexed: BINGO; You nailed it, and with brevity.
YES!
As a Libran I sought balance as if my mind were a pendulum, swinging from one extreme to another, wherein I experienced satisfaction only at the too brief mid-point, not knowing how that midway point could become still and steady, moment by moment.
Thanks for verifying that my kind of back and forth imbalance is not so much required, as habitual, and that a good position to build stability is within equanimity, and as JCB says, with PRESENCE.
Jai Siva Sai
@guyatree
More cashiers at a busy supermarket is hardly a "call for change", although there is certainly no reason to ask for additional assistance. Still, it is a wonderful thing to disappear into the bliss of standing, or waiting, meditation. Before you know it, you are at the head of the line and you have the bonus of added peacefulness. I think this fine line is contained in the original writing. It is up to all of us how we choose to act or to speak. There is the old chant verse that asks, "Whenever my mind becomes attached or angry I shall not react. Nor shall I speak. I shall remain as mum and unmoved as a tree." Constructively complain. Hm. Very nearly an oxymoron. :-)
But I think the point is also that, in this society of immediate gratification, waiting for a while for the line to move or waiting for that extra cashier to show up doesn't need to be a negative thing or a stressful thing. I don't think the difference is in "passiveness" or being helpless to change something or sitting back on one's haunches... just to watch how we react to anything and not seeing the lack of immediate gratification as "bad".
"As a species, we should never underestimate our low tolerance for discomfort." -Pema Chodron
"If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes." ~The Houghton Line, Nov. 1965
"Don't Panic."-Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself. To be conquered by yourself is, of all things, most shameful and vile. ~Plato